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Thread: Another View

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Alaska
    Posts
    255

    Talking Another View

    Out of the mouths of babes............. : )


    The Bible explained by kids - truth has been
    redefined!

    One of our favorite jobs has been leading junior
    church. We try to do more than baby-sit our church's
    beloved little ankle-biters during their time in our
    special junior church facility. We aim to give them a
    solid background in biblical history. At the end of
    each year, we give them pencils and paper and ask them
    to chronicle what they have learned. This assignment
    never fails to elicit some intriguing responses.

    In case you're a little foggy on your biblical
    history, let our junior church students help you with
    this complete overview of the Bible, compiled from
    their essays:

    In the beginning, which occurred near the start,
    there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The
    Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He
    must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give
    me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.
    He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were
    naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors
    hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God
    by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the
    Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in
    though, because they didn't have cars.

    Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his
    brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the
    early people died off, except for Methuselah, who
    lived to be like a million or something.

    One of the next important people was Noah, who
    was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a ham.
    Noah built a large boat and put his family and some
    animals on it. He asked some other people to join him,
    but they said they would have to take a rain check.

    After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob
    was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau
    sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot
    roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really
    loud sports coat.

    Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real
    name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights
    out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God
    sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues
    included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God
    fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then
    He gave them His top ten Commandments. These include
    don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your
    neighbor's bottom (the Bible uses a bad word for
    bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my Dad uses
    it sometimes when he talks about the President). Oh,
    yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor they father
    and they mother.

    One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the
    first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle
    of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

    After Joshua came David. He got to be king by
    killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named
    Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My
    teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very
    wise to me. After Solomon there were a bunch of major
    league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was
    swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the
    shore.

    There were also some minor league prophets, but I
    guess we don't have to worry about them.

    After the Old Testament came the New Testament.
    Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in
    Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a
    barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me,
    'Close the door! Were you born in a barn' It would be
    nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

    During His life, Jesus had many arguments with
    sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus
    also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas
    Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a
    terrible vegetable after him.

    Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards
    and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But
    the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial
    before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for
    Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

    Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back
    to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back
    at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in
    the book of Revolution.
    Jeremiah 20:9 " But His word was in my heart like a burning fire Shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, And I could not.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Yakima, Wa
    Posts
    15,146


    Too true!
    • Skepticism is the antiseptic of the mind.
    • Remember why we debate. We have nothing to lose but the errors we hold. Who but a stubborn fool would hold to errors once they have been exposed?

    Check out my blog site

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