First of all, I want to thank you for taking the time to respond to my posts. That means a lot to me.
Deu 18:10 There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch,What makes you think "divination" is wrong? Why would the Divine be opposed to divination? That's just a fundamentalist Christian phobia. But they are playing with "divination" all the time when they think the Divine is talking to them through coincidences like they often do. It's very common in fundamentalist Christian circles to attribute all sorts of coincidences or synchronicities to God.
But then we have Joseph:
Gen 44:15 And Joseph said unto them, What deed is this that ye have done? wot ye not that such a man as I can certainly divine?
When we were corresponding in 2007, I wanted to drive out there in the summer. Even this last year, I wanted to go out there to share what was going on in my heart and mind. My blood brother skipped a grade or two in high school and has a Phd in linguistics. Me, I flunked a semester of Geometry and then after an A.S. degree in Auto Service ( which is about obsolete now) decided to go on in math and ended up with a B.S. in Math Ed. I'm only good for HS math at that and forget the calculus. Been too long ago. So yeah, I'm sure I would feel plenty intimidated by your expertise and knowledge and it would make me feel like being around my blood brotherI too cried many buckets over my sins back in the days I was living the life of a very devoted Christian who felt that God was talking to me through numbers, coincidences, and dreams on a regular basis. Believe me, I know what you are going through. We could be brothers.
I'm still waiting on the real significance of my mental shaking in this last year. I resigned my teaching post last May because the principal had Human resources take me out of my classroom to get pyschiatric evaluation because of some of the things I shared with her when I thought I was going to leave that year. She had said she was a christian, but the accusations that were made about me were exaggerations and lies. They said I was hallucinating, hearing voices, and claiming to have supernatural powers When my wife and I asked them what I had done wrong in the classroom, they said I had done nothing wrong but they were worried about my mental fitness. After the evaluation, they said I had to have 6 months of pyschotherapy and then reevaluated before I could go back into the classroom. There was no guarantee that it would be paid leave and I had to pay for the "treatment" myself. At that point, I felt that God was telling me it was time to move. I was getting disturbed by the whole "gay-straight alliance" push that was going on at school, even though I kept that to myself. I didn't mix any religion with my classes, but the pyschiatrist reported that I was a religious zealot and had narcissistic tendencies.But still the question remains - what does it all mean? Personally, I finally concluded it was a "wake up call" that led me to knowledge of the Biblical Holographs and the Bible Wheel. Those are objectively verifiable "synchronicities" that anyone can confirm for themselves, unlike my personal experiences.
What was my sin? I told who I thought was a fellow christian, that I had a very impressionable dream in 1999 that I felt led me to that school. That in 2007, I had a deeply religious experience where I lost a lot of sleep and became very concerned for my students. And yes, that I had this 3 min vision, but I didn't know what to think of it at the time. Then in 2011, I had a lot of stange coincidences happen to me and I felt that God wanted me to leave that year. Well, my wife was upset about me quitting, so I told the principal to put my resignation on hold. Nothing was in writing, the principal even said. Well that night was the night of the massive hailstorm. The next day, they took me out of my 2nd period class and put me on administrative leave with pay until pyschiatric evaluation.
What was even weird that day, in my 2nd period class just before they came and got me, a student named John asked me, "Mr B, do you love me?" I said, "Of course I do." Again he asks me, "Mr B, do you really love me?". "Yes John, I really love." The third time. "Are you sure that you love me?" Ok, time for a lesson in logic. I said," John, you know me well enough by now. Have I ever lied to you." "Mr B, you're a good man. You are honest with us." "Well, then why don't you believe me when I tell you that I love you." "You know, Mr B, I hadn't thought of it like that, but you're right."
I don't remember the exact words, but I believe I caught the gist of it. It was shortly after that that they took me out. Kind of freaky. I'm sure when I described that to the pyschiatrist, that just gave him more ammo for the narcissist label. Oh well.
I thought about suing the school district and a lawyer I talked to said I had a good case, but I'm not sure that God wants me to go that route.
I'm not so much wanting to see the end of the world, but rather the end of suffering and pain. I also want to see my Lord and family members. There will always be people who will misuse your work. I don't have a mind like yours or the skills you have and I would really love to see the bible done in English gematria. I don't think it would really add fuel to the fire. If nothing is there, I'll be the first to admit it. But who knows, we may all be surprised and you have the skills to pull it off. I don't. I guess I want to know if God really instigated this quest I'm on or if some evil spirit is just messing with my mind.It would be very easy indeed. Unfortunately, I'm not very inclined to bother since I don't believe it will really help anyone. Most people who are into English gematria are trying to predict the end of the world and they often are very foolish in their thinking (present company excepted, of course). I really don't want to add fuel to the fire of their confused minds, and I don't want to make myself look foolish by seeming to advocate irrationality. But I'll think about it and maybe change my mind.
As far as your top three problems:
I agree with you on the hell issue. But I also can't see God saving people like Hitler, therefore, a literal 2nd death(annihilation) makes the most sense to me and I believe it is biblical.
I really don't have an answer for you on the 2nd point. I just trust that God has it all worked out somehow. I know that seems like a copout, Sorry.
On the 3rd, I have seen God work so many things out in my Life, that I have to believe Romans 8. As far as answering specific prayers, yes, I've seen that and I have a big one in the queue right now concerning my employment and direction in my spiritual life.
I, too, have wondered why God doesn't answer more prayers and my wife feels very close to how you feel. I just keep hanging on that somehow He is going to make sense of all of this. It's interesting that in Matt 25, people are judged not on what they think of God but what they think of their fellow man.